Good husband syndrome

Working through my hectic work schedule which includes weekend work, I have small breakdown this past month.

I just collapse and break down over phone with husband dearest while I was in office at 9 pm and still see 3 hours of work ahead. This on a Saturday!!!!

He was supportive and said do not worry I'll make dinner and you wind up fast.

What bothered me more was how he was fine with me not coming home soon on Saturday and supported me while I had my dramatic breakdown so far saying should I wait in your parking while you complete your work.

That is when I discovered I had very clinically dangerous Good husband syndrome, a husband who understand my work and my need for personal life and let me have it. Does not ask with what I do with my money.

These new breed husband's who are actually good do lot of harm to their wives. Their support makes wives depressed, and guilt ridden. This self guilt is what would make an already crazy women go extra crazy and take on lot of work household or otherwise.

While the world was suffering and not suffering with all good and bad things, I was suffering through good husband syndrome. That is burdening me more than I think off. Making me pray for husband who orders me like 19th century indian husband to do this do that and alas he refuses.

He says why should I be bad because you can't rid of your misery.

We work sometimes , at times work is hectic, yet people in our life are what pulls us together. As this year passed I knew one thing, I'm for life diagnosed with good husband syndrome.

Patience of traffic jams

Living in city of traffic jams, and my whole irritation of travelling so.much to school/ work , it was difficult.

Never knew when 45 mins commute would turn to 2-3 hours saga and it happens quite often. The impatient  me would ramble or at times scream about same and vent my frustration on husband dearest.

These days it became my way of morning ritual, sit in my cab and say my prayers, plug in earphones and listen to music,  Today it was Kenny chesney.

My outlet / preparation for pressure which will be on me once I step into workplace and craziness which follows.

I listen to traffic and identify the vehicle which is making it. We have autos, cars, mini bus, bus, mopeds, bikes and even at times trucks.

My time in whole craziness, which helped me as I endure less pain and frustration as I do not continue to brood over the travel but doing something other than work - office or household.

Taught me at times things happen and you can't always stop, atleast when you are in Bangalore traffic jam. Better prepare for what would follow and lock horns when you actually arrive.

Who said commute to office can't be thearuaptic  , ask me.

This is while I travelled for 1.5 hours today to work.- kiran vajapeyazula 11-17-2016

Freedom .

"Freedom is an idea, thought, feeling and being? How do I know how free I am? Freedom means I can do whatever I want to do? Living without boundaries when each day we build a fort around us?

Freedom is in knowing that we are not restricted by circumstances, people or material. Knowing that we can breathe in and out without hesitation. We are not stopped  from spreading our wings or our smiles. Being our true self, with each person in out life and accepting each as his/ her own. Do we really enjoy and know our freedom.' - kiran vajapeyazula 11-15-2016

What provoked these thoughts, a simple realization that we have the most basic of freedom , to breathe clean air and while even that is luxury for many. We make our own problems big enough to overshadow many things we have in our lives.

Life is a quest!!!

Life is a quest!!!

Life is a quest, like finding sun in a cloudy sky.

To get the treasures you to pass tree brabches and leaves.

Clouds showing different paths due to a miraged suns in the sky.

Keep looking for the sun, until sky is clear, yet you bow in respect when it is visible.

Alas, without leaves and clouds how we enjoy and find the clear sky with sun crackling.

On the edge of my seat

I like to sit on edge of my seat, not because i can't sit comfortable but i like be physically present in that moment, in that code writing / movie watching / that moment.

My mother says I got specs on my 2 eyes because of that, sitting on edge of chair and watching TV whole childhood.

So what excited me recently which had me on edge of seats - well loads of movie which i watched.

I like movies, screenplay, those small stories, the people who are living it. So many recent moments in these movies which got me from my comfortable gold class PVR tickets to edge of it.

Be it Piku (i mean can u imagine a father who goes about saying my daughter has sex with men even though she is not married because she is new age woman!!!!), but its reality of a society which is advanced in its perspective and thought process. being a Telugu (need to talk about that one fine day), i can't imagine that even this age and time.

But question which came up for me during that movie and while they travel from Delhi to Kolkata, can we really let go of our parents, even they being independent and we found the wings to live alone.  I still remember my parents taking us places and bear the torture of kids while travelling. Never thinking about taking that breathe in and relaxing themselves but making this about kids.

They will go old, might need us more than ever. Is it growing up or just cycle of life!!!!

That whole idea is hitting hard, but how endearing can we be about it.

While at movies i got to watch something called Kanche - a Telugu movie, it was not about love or war but its love and war in everything we do. Apart from technicality of movie while sways in past and current beautifully, its about what drives or divides us from others. Do really we have fences in our hearts, that we do not make effort to identify it.

Again while on movies Why did katappa killed bahubali????!!!!

what do i fear??

what do i fear??

fairly normal week, i like to work but nothing excites me at work anymore.

i like to cook, but does not excite me anymore, i just make routine stuff.

is fear of being left out makes us insecure or its just human. will this fear make us not do anything in life and let it slide.

last few days has been hangover of cousins and loads of talking. what i liked most is innocence of child on seeing a small bridge over a water stream or so many flowers in farm. seeking of simple things in life and trying to allocate time for them, is something wrong with us??

each person can't achieve everything in there life and to understand that and be satisfied with it huge stepping stone in ones growth. the moment realise that life is much happy and simpler. having person in life you is as happy as you with just being in a house, or group of people with whom you can discuss anything under the sun.

life as we know it is good, and we tend to complicate it.

well on fears - i fear snakes crawling under my bed and stormy nights.

phew....nothing new there

How we want to travel.....

As long as i remember i loved to travel. My first travel being at age of 1 month (Courtesy - Mom). Each year we would go to Hyderabad or Rajahmundry in summer vacation and take 2 trips in other part of the year. These travels included historical places, religious temples.

Always aided with history lessons while travelling and eat all varieties of food. This was time when mom has some peaceful time and dad took over us. As time passed and we being 'independent' individuals would mostly argue on various topics - right to Harry Potter (god bless JK Rowling for making my dinner conversations full of magic and mystery).

Even Hrithik roshan's dance was topics of these discussions many a times.

As i grew i was sure i hated traffic and wanted to join a college where its walkable to me. Some major lessons learnt there :(. I ended up travelling in bus to home for 12 hrs with same horrible Telugu movie playing on and on. I still think I'm claustrophobic due to these bus rides.

and my vow to never travel in bus again. then came the train phase. Which was predominant in my childhood, travelling more then 20 hours at times and where people built mini houses in 2-tier coupes. But my latter train travels included, shorter trips - occasionally including Vada pav in morning with Tea.

favorite for course was Pune-Bombay rides where each time i should get on that train - tension prevails cause you need to catch train (bloody 4:30  in the morning), second ensure you do not miss oily omelet and bread while you doze of in front of strangers like a dog, before pune comes ensure fix your hair.

Cut 2, in quest to break free i land in my so called dream city in India - Bangalore and aaghhh!!!

I spend many of my lovely evenings in traffic with nothing but a book reader. At times these just make me thing is this way to travel????

so much so that i hate travelling. :(

I love to travel by plane not because its quick - its never quick - remember in the name of growth when airport is miles away. Its gives me a high - as if Ferris wheel is coming down. 

in spite of all these - it is always something new i get to learn from these travels. Either something new about either of parent. Some new amazing quality patidev has, what i want to do something differnet or can do. How bro dearest is always pain in A**.

Needless to say, travel we must not because it takes us places but enhances our experiences. And i long for my next one....